It is easy to be caught up in what one loses when tragedy strikes or when the path strays from what one wants. I am a firm believer in looking on the bright side, in finding that silver lining.
There is often a saying that comparison is the thief of joy. It is one of my favorites. How often do we compare ourselves to people who have more than us? To people who make more money, drive nicer cars, have a better job or maybe to people who travel more often, hike longer trails, have the perfect family or relationship? If you’re anything like me, its more than you care to admit. Isn’t it all about learning to love the life that we have, no matter how poor we think it may be?
In the immediate months of aftermath to my broken leg, I was very aware of many of the silver linings. I also would periodically fill with envy at the sight of my friends and people I follow on social media beginning their thru-hikes, traveling around the world, or doing the things that I could not do at the time. I was always grateful and cognizant of how much worse it could have been, but my heart still ached for what others had. I was continuously pulled in between peace with where I was and longing to be elsewhere. Gratitude at being alive and disdain for my thwarted path.
I was listening to a podcast by William B. Irvine, about the Stoic Path. One of the biggest things that stuck with me from his series on Stoicism is that we are all living the dream life. The life of someone else’s dream. There are millions, maybe billions of people who would swap their lives for ours in a moment if they could. No matter how poor, sad, depressing, terrible, lonely, tragic we think our lives or our existence, there are countless people in far worse conditions, thinking that if only they had everything that we have, then they would be happy. Irvine explains a couple tools to use to increase our gratitude and level of content for exactly what we have.
One is a trans-life meditation, where we read about people who have lived lives far less fortunately than us, like any person living in medieval times, growing up in a third world nation, or suddenly waking up in a hospital as a paraplegic or with Locked-In syndrome. The other is a type of negative visualization, where we think about tragedy striking and us losing something or someone we care about deeply. No matter how poor a relationship with a loved one is, surely it is better that they are at least still alive. No matter how unfortunate breaking a leg is, at least the damage was repairable.
If I must compare myself, I have to say the latter brings me much more joy and peace. In this case, comparison is the art of gratitude, not the thief of joy. I could have broken both legs, I could have become paralyzed, I could have been knocked unconscious and drowned in a foot of water. I could have been born in a third world country and destined to exist in extreme poverty, never to have hiked, skied or biked for pleasure. For every complaint I have about my life, there are millions who would drop theirs in a heartbeat to have the conditions surrounding my complaint.
I am still healing, as I imagine will continue to over the next year. I also imagine the silver linings will continue to reveal themselves as time passes. For now, in an attempt to embrace more gratitude, I’d like to share some of the silver linings that are most evident at this point in the process.
Increased time with family and friends
I left Michigan for what I thought was for good in September of 2021. I was heading out to Utah and then to thru-hike the Pacific Crest Trail. Circumstances brought me unwillingly back to Michigan, for much longer than expected. After the first two months I wanted to get on with my life, get out of my parents house’s, so I did. It wasn’t until 5 months later that I landed back at their homes. I am grateful for this time because I was able to heal some of that which I had been holding on to for too long. I was able to work through various issues with my parent’s and focus on healing our relationships and moving forward, stronger than ever. I also got to spend some time with my good friends who still live in Michigan, whom I love and cherish deeply.
New friends and paths moving forward
I took a job with a summer camp right on Lake Michigan that I used to work at and in doing so was able to meet many wonderful new people and reconnect with some people from past lives. That job led me to going to their sister camp in New Hampshire, a place that I love dearly and had not been to since 2017. This added experience working with youth helped me gain valuable insights with working in a different aspect of the same field. It was also quiet the pleasure of mine to have beautiful sunsets all summer long and to reveal in the fall colors in New Hampshire.
The implementation of a healthy routine and schedule
When you break your leg and you are unemployed, there is nothing that needs to be done. I suddenly had all day, every day, to do anything I wanted. Anything that didn’t require walking that is. I was able to settle in to a routine that consisted of meditation, twice a day, reading and writing (in Spanish and in English), listening to podcasts, doing breathing exercises, my physical therapy etc. Things that I knew would feed my soul but I had neglected making time for in the past.
Seemingly unlimited time in the early stages of the break and then again after my summer camp phase
Again, nothing that truly needed to be done. I was able to complete a 120 hour Teaching English as a Foreign Language certificate and make two scrapbooks of past adventures that I had been putting off for ages. I also learned how to make a barefoot shoe using a recycled tire and got into sewing a bit more. After I returned to my parents home’s in November, I really picked up my physical therapy and I also made the time to work on something that I have always wanted to work on. This blog! I had a free version of the website earlier but I found it quite limiting so I took a couple months to design my very own website! I was also able to put a lot more time and energy into it and writing than I would have if I had never broken my leg.
A new found determination to get back to my previous health and physical fitness (and hopefully surpass it)
Now this one came a bit later as my selfish desires to skip the hard parts and get back to my old lifestyle compelled me forward in the beginning. After almost 7 months of disappointment in my recovery, I realized I had to do a lot more work than I had been doing. I am still in this process of working very hard to regain my strength. Due to this, I am exercising everyday and doing a lot more intensive exercises for my legs than I have ever done in my life. I want to be able to walk 1000 + miles once again, and in order to do so I have got to work my ass off to get there. This motivation to do what I love fuels me everyday.
A new appreciation of my home state (and perspective on the perceived need to keep moving)
The grass always seems greener on the other side. This is a notion I am trying to question more and more and find that the grass is in fact greener exactly where I am. Michigan is such a beautiful place and I love it dearly. I always wanted to leave, to see the world, to be around mountains and exciting rivers. There is much beauty to be had in many other places in this great big world of ours, but Michigan truly is a hidden gem. Being forced to come back to my home state really helped me see it in a new light and find a new appreciation for it. I was also able to spend a whole week car camping and exploring the Upper Peninsula, which I have never made time for before! Additionally, I have begun to question this notion I always seemed to have that I needed to keep moving around due to the immensity of the world and things to see. I am beginning to appreciate that I can be complete, whole, happy and fulfilled wherever I am, there is no need to keep running off. It is okay to stay in one place.
New job opportunities
I recently moved back to Salt Lake City, Utah. The first month was a bit stressful, finding a job and getting re-acquainted with the city and my old community. If I had never broken my leg, I’d likely have jumped right back into Wilderness Therapy, something that I’ve found a lot of fulfillment in and that promotes a lifestyle I enjoy. Not being physically fit enough to return has allowed other doors to open, which I might not have considered before. One of these jobs is a working at a residential treatment center for adolescent girls that blends a mix of outdoor adventures and therapy into the program. Many of these clients are a bit further along in their therapeutic process so tend to be a bit more regulated than in Wilderness, which is a nice change of pace. The other job I have just accepted is a youth worker position with Salt Lake County, providing children, youth, and families in crisis with immediate safety, shelter, and support. Both of these are great jobs that will eventually help me on my path towards getting a Master’s in Social Work, or wherever my path ends up going. Regardless it will be valuable experience in and of itself and will help me confirm if that is the path that I want to be on.
Being forced to slow down
I could look at this in multiple ways, but since we are on the topic of silver linings, I might as well appreciate it as one of those. I’ve always been someone who moves quickly, who is always in a rush. Trying to achieve the next thing, do the next big adventure, go to the next place. Breaking one’s leg literally forces you to stop, to look around, to re-evaluate. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, maybe too much? Maybe just the right amount? Hard to say. What I’ve been discovering though is that is a lot of joy to be found in going slower, through both life and downhills. I used to practically run down mountains, not giving anyone the chance to pass me. These days, I go one foot directly in front of the next, being very intentional with how far my knee is capable of bending under a loaded weight.
I’d like to note I am still struggling with my attempt to compare myself to those in worse situations rather than those better off. I am still struggling to accept my limited capacity to do the things I used to excel at. I am still struggling to be patient with my body and to not push it too far, too fast, too soon. I am not sure if I will ever be a fast hiker again, or if I will be able to keep up with a group of my friends. I am disappointed that I cannot dance as freely as I once did. Sometimes I get in my head about this, I catch myself thinking about what I used to be like, or justifying my speed due to my injury. I’ve hit some bumps in my road to recovery and things are not progressing as quickly as I had hoped. I’m nearing close to that 12 month mark where they said I would be healed but I am still far from where I was. I am worried I haven’t been doing the right things, or that I have been doing too much or not enough. All these things are on my mind frequently but I try to remember all the things that I have and focus on the silver linings.
The truth is it doesn’t matter much what happened, or how fast I go, as long as I just keep going. As long as I am mindful of my thinking patterns, how I am treating and talking with myself and as long as I truly show up here for my life. This is after all, the only one I am guaranteed to have. Where will this path take me? Well there is only one way to find out!
Thanks for reading, until next time, I hope you too can find some silver linings in your life!
Mucho love
Lynne Wummel
