(most of this was written sometime in July, just getting around to editing it and such, check out the rest of Chronicles of a Broken Body for this to make more sense)
My hair is growing out quite a bit, funny the way it serves as a clock, keeping track of the passing time with each growing strand. Its as if I intuitively shaved my head a week before the accident so I would have a way of measuring my progress through time.
Miniwanca care team 2022. What is that? How did I get here? I’m not quite sure. Well yeah I am. I drove a snowmobile off a bridge and broke my leg, skull and wrist. Hiking the PCT in early April was no longer on the table. Just like that, another rug swept up from under me. I don’t know why I keep trying to stand on all these rugs. The ground seems safer. So whats next? Immediately my plans had dissipated along with the functionality of my knee into the shallow rocky waters of Lime Creek. No longer going to walk 2,600 miles from Mexico to Canada. No longer fulfilling a long-time dream. I had left my new community, my new home state, my new job, all to walk towards a distant dream, a distant calling to live life as authentically and purely as I know how. Then on the way, everything changed. My plan was to walk from April until September. Giving myself 5-6 months to think about what was next. Now realistically had I walked the PCT, I know I wouldn’t have figured out any major life plans or my true calling, but I knew that I had some time before I had to make another big decision on what would be next. Welp, no longer. The future had become the present, and circumstances had drastically changed. My options were now severely limited. After making it back to Michigan, I bounced back and forth between my parent’s houses in my hometown for the first couple of months while I started the healing process.
Despite the setbacks, I was determined to make the most of this time. How often do we get months with no plans, no commitments, no obligations, nowhere to be, and nothing that has to be done? Not often. Everyday I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish, and for the most part, I stuck to it. I had pretty easy, achievable tasks on my list, and most were all aimed at personal development in someway. Everyday (or most days) I read, I wrote, I meditated, I worked on my Spanish, I worked on breathing techniques/breath holding, I did yoga/stretched (super modified and on my back for a while), and I did physical therapy. I completed a 120 hour course to obtain my certification to teach English as a foreign language. I made two scrap books commemorating earlier adventures- a thru hike of the Appalachian Trail and a bike ride across the country. I was able to re-certify my wilderness first responder. I even made it out to a few shows, I went to some of my favorite localish funk bands- North 41/ Chirp, I took a wheelchair and pushed that bad boy right up to the front of the stage with the help of two of my bestest buddies. I also took a walker with a chair built in to a Desmond Jones/Kitchen Dwellers show. I couldn’t stop dancing during Desmond Jones but come Kitchen Dwellers my legs could no longer stand and the chair part was needed.
As I grew stronger and graduated from modified crutches with a holder for my broken wrist, to just crutches, to eventually walking with crutches/a walker, then walking with just the brace, then finally to walking unsupported, it became clear that I needed to find something to do for the summer. I love my parents and it was so good to be able to spend so much time with them and work on those relationships, but I could not, did not want to spend anymore time bumming around my hometown. I am grateful for my upbringing there, I just don’t have much of a community there anymore nor much to feed my soul around those parts. There were a lot of theoretical options floating around my mind with one of them being looking into some options at the summer camp I worked for a few years back.
I ended up on that camp’s website one day and was browsing the openings. I thought I might just see if I could do some driving for them, something low commitment, low pressure, and low movement. There was one job description that caught my eye more than the rest. It was new. I didn’t remember any job like that when I worked there. The job was titled “Community Care Specialist” and the description said something along the lines of assisting with any behavioral issues that arise with campers and staff. Helping create behavioral change plans, monitoring mental health, general support for the community, ect”. It stopped me in my tracks. This job seems perfect, I thought to myself. In a beautiful location that I know I love, close to home, I wouldn’t have to drive much, I would get three meals a day provided for me, working at a summer camp, doing something that is fulfilling, doing something that is related to my social work degree and in alignment with my future goals/wants in terms of career and work. I submitted my application and the ball began to roll. There was one position left open, so after a bit of deliberation, I accepted the job. With a few more years under my belt and a bit of a wider perspective, I returned to a place that I didn’t ever really think I would return to.
It may have been a bit too much for my freshly broken leg at times but I persevered. For the first month I was in a cabin a ways from the central part of camp, I acquired a bike and that was instrumental in my ability to commute around the camp. There was a huge hill I would have to climb every time I wanted to go to my cabin, but coming down was sure fun. I was initially very excited to be back, I let that excitement carry me all the way up a treacherous dune called “baldy” a vertical pile of sand that extends to a draw of dunes and eventually to Lake Michigan. I did the 25/30 min trek the first few days, pushing through the discomfort, until my leg really started to bother me and I decided I needed to chill on the dune hikes. My knee was continually in a state of discomfort/pain after that and it was something that was constantly on my mind with every physical movement throughout the summer. I eventually was able to move into a cabin closer to the central part of camp which made the commute much easier. My new home was also right on the inland lake which made swimming every morning much more accessible.
Every morning I would wake up an hour before breakfast, I would immediately jump in the lake and do a couple laps, then I would do my physical therapy, then I would meditate for 15 minutes before starting my day. My day would start with going to the dining hall for breakfast, sitting with any of the groups, usually ones with campers/leaders that were struggling a bit more to add support and connect better with the campers. Then on a typical day the campers would break-up for their interest groups- where they can choose what kind of activities they want to participate in. Options for interest groups included things like: swimming, volleyball, fishing, sailing, archery, D&D, magic the gathering, sports, crafthouse, woodshop, larping, and cooking. My team and I would identify who was struggling the most and choose which interests groups to attend based on who needed extra support. Lunch and dinner job functions were identical to breakfast. During the other camp functions throughout the days and weeks, it was my job to be present and to be prepared to tackle any behavioral or emotional needs with campers or staff.
Even with my broken leg and my bicycle I still ended up clocking about 5 miles a day throughout the summer, according to my Fitbit. Some days were harder than others. It was nearly impossible to avoid all the physical activity, my team was very understanding and we always worked together to ensure I had the least amount of walking to do.
There were also many silver linings that I found this summer. A big one was being able to attend a few music festivals, which was crucial as live music is one of my favorite things ever. At the beginning of the summer I went to a festival called “Ohio Dreamfest” which had a bunch of great local artists, I stayed seated during most of this festival as my knee was particularly bothersome during this period. A little later in the summer I went to a local Michigan festival “Cowpie Music Festival”, three days of mind altering music. It felt so good to be immersed in the funk, the groove, the beat, the soul. The energy around some of those stages was insane, the way those musicians vibrated on stage was awe-inspiring. It was a beautiful reminder of the healing power of music and those experiences.
Other silver linings were being able to cultivate a healthy routine and stick to it for the majority of the summer. I was able to do a good amount of swimming which I was super grateful for since that is the safest and least impactful way of working out. It is also really one of the only ways I could get that aerobic exercise. I even swam across the short part of the lake a few times (.5 mile round trip) and once I even swam the long way across the lake (about 1.5 miles). The location that I was in all summer was another one of those silver linings. Rolling sand dunes and one of the largest fresh water lakes in the world, all in my backyard, offering a cool breeze and beautiful sunsets all summer long. I also met a boat load of amazing people and fostered many connections that I believe I will have for my lifetime. I rekindled a love for beach volleyball, even though I couldn’t move very fast (or at all really) to get to the ball- my teammates just had to work on their precision with passing the ball to me. I got to spend all summer with kids of varying ages, seeing them engage in authentic interactions, unstructured play and the natural world, a few of the most preventative measures for problems later in life. I also got to continue to develop my compassion, empathy and skill set when working with difficult problems/behaviors. I got to work alongside an amazing team of people who helped me learn and grow every step of the way. I also have a clearer desire to continue to work with the youth of the world.
Actual summer camp ended at the end of July, I am staying to help out with their community and school programing until the end of August and coming back for one week at the end of September. I think this facilitation business will be good for me. It is very fun, engaging and I believe there is a lot of growth to be had working here for a bit longer. I don’t know what is next but I feel very comfortable in the unknown right now, comfortable in the flow. I don’t need some big long detailed plan of what my future holds or what I will be doing. It would be nice, I do love some form and predictability, but sometimes you just can’t see around the river bend. I need to focus on what is here and now and be careful to not get stuck or try so hard to look ahead that I miss what is right in front of me. I am still learning and practicing. I am letting the world take me where I need to go and putting feelers out there as to the right direction. I am trying to make room for whatever needs to happen, wherever I need to go.
It seems like a different lifetime when I see my friends posting on social media with all their crazy adventures, hikes, bikes, and travels. That was me at some point, it all seems so far away. I know I’ll get back there, but this wall in the way looks so big and daunting, its making me want to set up camp and wait and see if a tide comes and sweeps it away or if it deteriorates on its own accord… I don’t know how realistic that is, I might need to take a different route, figure out a way to climb over, or dig under it. They say that no action is the way, letting things unfold, bending and traveling along with the natural ebb and flow of all things. Is the path blocked because it isn’t the actual way? Or is there only ever one way and the blocking of the path is just an obstacle meant to overcome and help guide and strengthen along the way? Welcome to the mind of an over-thinker, either way, forward I go.
Happy Trails,
Lynne
